Watkykjy

Our top 10 weekly selection of DSTV Now | Showmax | YouTube | Netflix | Amazon Prime

‘Gatvol’ is such a lekker Afrikaans word to convey one’s feelings when it comes to a myriad of state of affairs. That glottal ‘g’ rolls so lekker off the tongue, just like the ‘r’ in ‘lekker’. There is just no other way to accurately describe just how little you have left in you before snapping and reaching the end of your tether: “EK IS NOU PROPER FOKKEN GATVOL!”

No other state owned enterprise manages to collectively piss off an entire nation the way Eskom accomplishes it. Because they ironically wield the most power over our heads. It is the only ‘business’ on planet earth who urges its clients to not make use of their product. Unless you sleep on a mattress made of money, there is close to fuckall you can do about it, because going off the grid costs about the same as half of a bond of a lock-up-and-go apartment in Joburg. So we stay gatvol, angry and negative. Here and there people manage to alleviate the fokken gemors by switching over to solar geysers, gas stoves, generators and the odd solar panel connected to inverters to generate enough power to keep the odd laptop and phone charger going. But most of us have run out of kidneys to sell and jerking people off under the bridge for a geldjie doesn’t pay as well as it used to back in the 2000s.

So we maar try and fokken deal with it and work around the fuckup. Here is a big tip for you: when we DO have electricity, treat your interwebs like a water tank and pretend you live in Cape Town in 2017 – download as much TV series and movies to watch offline as you can. Showmax, Netflix and Amazon Prime gives you the option to download your entertainment in order to watch it offline at a later stage. It will just bring your frustration levels down from an eleven to around a three. Make sure that your phones, tablets and laptops are fully charged and it is also a good idea to invest in a power bank to keep your devices charged. They’re not that expensive anymore and are widely available. Loadshedding stages are normally two-and-a-half hours long at a time, up to three times a day, depending if you are on stage 1 or stage ‘go fuck yourself’, so you can easily burn through six lekker episodes of a gripping series or a movie or two.

Ironically, I am typing this article on my last 25% of laptop battery, because apart from loadshedding which just kicked in, we have had a ‘normal’ power failure which lasted this whole morning until exactly 20 minutes before it came back on, just be be fucked with by loadshedding. So I am off to my favourite tree to go watch The Flash.

Grab your phone or tablet, blanket and some pillows and head off to a lekker section in your garden or your complex and chill with some entertainment while you ignore Eskom. If you need some ideas of what to stream, check out this week’s top 10 which we picked off The Plumlist.

If you decide on number 1 in the list, don’t forget to roll a vet spliff, tjom…