Our top 10 weekly selection of DSTV Now | Showmax | YouTube | Netflix | Amazon Prime
I think sci-fi movies sometimes get bliksmed with the wrong end of the rating stick and I think I know why – it is way harder to create sci-fi and fantasy movies than it is to create, for instance, a serious drama.
For drama and action you mainly need good actors:
“OK, now act like a total doos and shoot that guy in his ballas after your dramatic monologue.”
For sci-fi movies you also need good actors but you also need special effects and loads post production magic which eats up a budget like the South African government eats up a fresh R70 billion IMF fund:
“OK, now act like a total doos and shoot that monster in his third testicle on the right, after your dramatic monologue, while your space ships lands behind you. Don’t worry, just pretend that the tennis ball is the doos you need to shoot in the third nipple. I mean testicle. Aaaand… ACTION!”
So with all this obvious unfairness in mind, I’m still going to gooi some lekker adventure, fantasy and sci-fi movies I found for you, to watch this weekend. As per our standing arrangement, it will be ordered from lowest to highest rating. You should probably add a 0.4 to each movie to level the playing field where drama seems to always get its way…
Power Rangers
A bunch of high school losers come across an old alien ship where they are infused with unique superpowers, harness their abilities in order to save the world. They become the Power Rangers. An old enemy of the previous generation returns to fuck shit up and the group must combine their powers and use them to work together to fuck his shit up in stead and save the world.
I have to add the 0.4 to the 5.9 rating to be fair, even though I haven’t seen this movie yet. Let’s see if it lives up to my theory.
Rampage
Growing up, Rampage was one of my favourite PC games in the 80s. Hours and hours of fun, destroying buildings as a giant dinosaur, gorilla or werewolf. Seriously, the best time of my life in 1987! This is Dwayne Johnson’s second movie adapted from a video game. Doom was his first one. In Rampage, he plays primatologist, Davis Okoye, who has a strong bond with a highly intelligent gorilla named George. An experiment goes wrong and turns George into an oversized and extremely violent killing machine. The Rock must find a way stop him.
It was rated at 6.1 but I’ll give it a 7. It was a fun and dumb movie and the nostalgia attached to it made it kind of cool.
Terminator Genisys
Jissis, when Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be back” he fokken means it, hey? So what happens in this one? When John Connor (Jason Clarke), leader of the human resistance, sends Sgt. Kyle Reese back to 1984 to protect Sarah Connor (Emilia Clarke) and safeguard the future, all sorts of kak breaks loose and creates a fractured time-line. Now, Sgt. Reese finds himself in a new and unfamiliar version of the past, where he is faced with unlikely allies, including the Guardian (Arnie), kekgevaarlike new enemies and an unexpected new mission: To reset the future. Interestingly, this is the first film in which Arnold Schwarzenegger is not credited as “Terminator” but rather “Guardian.”
It is rated at 6.3 but I’ll give it a 6.8 for nostalgic reasons. Sommer re-visit the original The Termminator while you’re at it.
Lucy
Released back in 2014, Lucy was the most successful French movie outside France for two decades! The movie was more successful than The Fifth Element and halfway in, I got a Fifth Element vibe from it – just the action and kick-ass-ness of it all. Apart from that, it is totally unrelated. Watch it – you will see what I mean. Coincidentally, Milla Jovovich (Fifth Element) was rumored to play Lucy, but declined due to pregnancy. The movie – In short, the character Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) is tricked into being a drug mule who has a moerse valuable drug sewn into her stomach (ewe!) but accidentally released into her body, making her fokken strong, which she uses to escape her captors.
Rated at a 6.4 but dead honestly an 8.3 in my books!
Anna
If you were a fan of La Femme Nikita and Point of no Return, you’ll dig this movie. Starting out as simple model from Moscow, Anna (Sasha Luss) is a young, beautiful girl who manages to make a successful career in the elite fashion world. But Beneath Anna Poliatova’s striking beauty lies a secret that will unleash her indelible strength and skill to become one of the world’s most feared government assassins. Oh and it also stars that tannie who will forever be hot – Helen Mirren. It is preposterous how beautiful these women are!
This action/thriller clocks in at 6.6 but deserves that extra 0.4 to land a 7.
Divergent
In this action/adventure/mystery, Tris discovers that she is “divergent” (meaning: tending to be different or develop in different directions) and she doesn’t fit into any faction. There is a moerse plot to wipe out her and everyone else like her, which she uncovers and teams up with Four (not four people – that is the dude’s actual kak name) to figure out what the actual fuck is going on. This movie is a prime example of more budget equals better movie. Initially, the budget of the film was set at $40 million but Lionsgate was able to double it to $80 million due to the success of The Hunger Games.
Rated at 6.7, but I will add that 0.4 to land it on a 7.1.
Warcraft
I’m very grateful that I never ever even attempted to play World of Warcraft. Nope, I wasted countless months on Warcraft 3. I actually installed the game again other day again and got to about the third campaign when I realized that it was like taking up smoking after quitting for 4 years. So I deleted the game. Think I am talking kak about it being addictive? Bill Westenhofer, the lead visual effects supervisor for the film, is a long time World of Warcraft player and was getting up at 2am every morning to raid with his guild while on film sets! Jirre dude! I haven’t seen the movie yet, so will give it a shot this weekend. I just hope It doesn’t make me want to install the fokken game again…
For those unfamiliar with the premise – Orcs use a magical portal to invade the planet Azeroth and it is up to a group of heroic humans and dissenting Orcs to put a stop to all this kak.
I will add the obligatory 0.4 to the existing 6.8, even though I haven’t seen it yet.
Aquaman
If you want the wrong pronunciation of Jason Mamoa’s surname, show any female a photo of Aquaman and ask them what the actor’s surname is. Through the drool, they will most likely pronounce it as “Memuhmuh…”, not batting an eyelid, focused on and hypnotized by his glorious manboobs. Jason Mamoa stars as Arthur Curry, (also known as Aquaman), in this visually stunning action/adventure/fantasy film. He goes on a life-changing quest to prevent a potentially devastating war. What a great day to have eyes!
I will gladly add 0.6 to the 7.0 because what is the point of fighting Jason Mamoa? He is not even a terrible person as some of us would secretly hope.
Ready Player One
In 2045, the Earth is in chaos (like, when is it fokken not?) but humans have found refuge in a virtual reality universe, OASIS. When the creator dies, he leaves behind a posthumous challenge to all OASIS users – the key to his fortune hidden in OASIS in an Easter Egg (the gaming type, not those Caramel Bears you buy at Spar) and an unlikely hero is very determined to find it.
A very lekker action/adventure/Sci-Fi with a befokte fresh story line coming in at 7.5. I’ll give it an 8, no problem.
An all-star cast including Regina King, Don Johnson and Jeremy Irons leads this drama series adaptation of the DC graphic novel Watchmen. The series is set in an alternate history where superheroes and villains are outlawed.
